Senate Republicans rigged President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial, so Saturday Night Live provided America with the trial that should have been.
On Friday, Republicans officially voted to block witness testimony, making this impeachment proceeding the first in American history to not feature witnesses. This paves the way for them to acquit Trump as early as Wednesday in a sham vote that undermines our Constitution and rule of law, not to mention democracy itself.
And that’s why Saturday Night Live stepped up to give us a real trial.
“After months of anticipation, the impeachment trial of President Trump wound up consisting of two weeks of dry debate and posturing and will now conclude without any witness testimony or new evidence,” a voice-over said to introduce the skit. “For those hoping for more, here is … ‘The Trial You Wish Had Happened.’”
First, Chief Justice John Roberts introduced himself as a “disinterested” overseer, resulting in another judge played by Keenan Thompson stepping in to replace him because Roberts has no balls.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) then stepped into the courtroom and claimed that, “All men are innocent after being proven guilty.”
That’s definitely an accurate description of what happened during the real impeachment trial. After all, new evidence continued surfacing throughout the proceeding demonstrating that Trump is guilty, including a bombshell dropped by former National Security Adviser John Bolton that should have resulted in him testifying.
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) then sashayed into the courtroom and declared that he has to conclude Trump is innocent without even studying the case against him because if he doesn’t kiss his a** he’ll have more of a chance of losing his Senate race.
Thompson’s judge then actually called witnesses such as Bolton and Hunter Biden to testify, both whom blew up Trump’s defense and revealed his hypocrisy.
The court then called Trump, as played by Alec Baldwin, to defend himself. And it was just as much the disaster it would have been in real life.
Entering the courtroom with the assistance of a walker in a pathetic effort to gain sympathy, Trump proceeded to admit his crimes and other indiscretions.
“Ladies and gentlemen of this government place, what I’ve learned through this trial is that clearly nothing I do or say has any consequence, so I’d like to come clean about everything,” Trump said. “The call with the Ukraine wasn’t perfect, it was illegal, and frankly it was a butt-dial.”
“Also, I watch CNN all the time,” he continued. “And it’s awesome. I hate the following states: Iowa, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Arkansas and West Virginia. I cheat all the time at golf, taxes, wives, elections and bathroom scales. I’m not 239 pounds, I’m 475 pounds.”
Trump then praised “ride or die b*tch” McConnell and noted that they’ll be forever linked, resulting in McConnell breaking out into a song of regret.
Here’s the video via YouTube:
Featured Image: YouTube screenshot